Here is a short positive message you can share with a friend, coworker, or loved one with cancer. – written by a cancer patient who is also a licensed pastor. Don’t make the mistake of saying an empty platitude, instead here’s what you can say in support of someone with cancer.
Knowing what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer can be tricky. Words of encouragement for cancer patients can be a blessing when they are given thoughtfully and with care.
It is important to remember that it is not your job to take away his or her pain, hurt, confusion, or fear. Of course, we don’t want our friend uncomfortable emotionally or physically. But sometimes when we try to take away the pain, we actually end up minimizing the feelings of our loved one and causing him or her to feel like the feelings aren’t valid to you… which means he or she might not end up sharing much more with you in the future.
One of the best things to do is to offer your acknowledgment of the situation. What do you see them experiencing?
You can share that you see he or she is going through the difficult season of a cancer diagnosis and that there is a lot of “new” on this journey. There is a new language to learn, new clinics to go to, new doctors to be in relationship with, and more – and that alone can be tiring. It can be so comforting to feel seen and known.
And if you are up for being a person your friend can really talk to, then you can thoughtfully express that you are willing to be a listening ear today or another time. That is a positive and welcome message for those of us navigating cancer.
It is tempting to say, “let me know how I can help”. PLEASE PLEASE do not say this. This puts a BURDEN directly on the cancer patient to figure it out on your behalf. Let me tell you, as someone living with cancer, we have enough challenge on our plates that we don’t have capacity to try to figure out what the answer is for what you can do. So, we don’t end up telling you anything to do, not because we don’t want your help, but because that takes us more work than we have space for in the cancer healing season.
I have had plenty of experiences over the last four+ years of living with a cancer diagnosis of well-meaning people saying things that really aren’t helpful, and are sometimes even unintentionally hurtful. I’ve put together a list of what NOT to say to someone with cancer that is included in my Helping Your Friend with Cancer digital guide. It’s full of ideas of what you can do, whether you live in the same city or states away from your friend, to take immediate action to actually help support your friend with cancer in a meaningful way. Grab it here and don’t worry anymore about what to not say to your loved one with cancer.
